Well, it seems that the Foot club is back up and running. I got an email informing me that although they had run into some undisclosed issues, the bed eggs (both male and female) had been weeded out and they were going to return to their roots: no more lapdance party or "super private" nights.
Phew.
So next week I will be going back to the club for the first time in a long time. Hopefully it will be fun, like it was when I started, and not the "i'm going to pressure you for a blowjob" bullshit it slowly turned into.
We shall see.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Mouth Taped Shut: pressed flowers and viral 'Dragon Tattoo' treasure hunts
Apparently they are making an American film version of Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Ok, nothing too special about that, right? Except someone has made the best viral marketing campaign ever... there is an interactive Tumblr account, Twitter feed, and other creepy websites that lead internet views on a real life treasure hunt. So far there have been clues hidden in vintage movie stills (or what I assume are movie stills) that lead you to a website. That website has a photo of a location and GPS coordinates. Somewhere at that GPS local us the image in the photo and hidden there is a wrapped, framed, dried, pressed flower. Pretty much exactly like the ones I make and sell online.
Mine:
Mine:
Theirs:
Now to be fair, mine are not reproductions (actual props?) from the movie. And they don't come with the director's signature, although *I* sign them (and I am pretty cool). But there are only 40 flowers in the world of the book... and I bet there are more than 40 people out there who want these. So yes, I will jump on this fad, even though I'm not really because i've been selling these dried pressed flowers for over 2 years.
But hey, as I am writing this I got a sale and I haven't even changed all my key words to #mouthtapedshut or #GWTDT or Viral Flower Girl With the Dragon Tattoo Treasure Hunt, yet.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Please, god, keep your pants on: part deux
Hey guys, guess what. Remember that feeling I had yesterday about Capt. Creep? Yeah, I'm pretty good at these things. HE ANSWERED THE FUCKING DOOR IN A FUCKING TOWEL WHEN I SHOWED UP.
A towel that he was not interested in trading in for some pants when I politely requested that he do so. And under ANY other circumstances, I would have thrown the money back at him and booked it out, but rent. What do you do?
Right and then his towel "fell off" as he was shooting.
Have you ever seen a photographer attempting to shoot a model one handed? Because I have. I have, because as I was posed with my face away from him, I noticed that it was taking him longer and longer to snap the shutter. But, it IS really hard to manually focus your camera when you are PLAYING WITH YOUR PENIS WHEN YOU THINK THE MODEL ISN'T LOOKING.
Look, I knew I was engaging in a type of prostitution when I took this gig. His photos are shit. He doesn't know how to light (hell, he didn't even HAVE a lighting set up) and the photos are not creative. In the business he is what we call a GWC or Guy With Camera. He likes pretty girls and bought himself a fancy camera so he has a reason to be in the company of pretty girls. In exchange, the pretty girls give him some model time in exchange for his money. Because let's be honest, if you are an amazing photographer, I am not going to charge you because we are going to make some art. But if your photos are shitty, I am there to take you money, and then I'm done. Model prostitution.
NOT ACTUAL PROSTITUTION.
And what gets me is that if you get off on touching yourself while you take photos of a naked girl, then why don't you hire an actual prostitute?
1) I happen to know girls in this city that charge less than $100/hr to actually perform sex acts, so why not pay a girl that will actually do things to you?
2) If you don't want the sex and really do just want to touch yourself with a pretty girl around IT WOULD BE EVEN CHEAPER TO HIRE A HOOKER.
3) Why on Earth would you think that is ok? If you plan on being naked and touching yourself, those are terms that need to be set BEFORE the photoshoot. He complained to me that off of his models look uncomfortable in photos. WELL NO SHIT.
A towel that he was not interested in trading in for some pants when I politely requested that he do so. And under ANY other circumstances, I would have thrown the money back at him and booked it out, but rent. What do you do?
Right and then his towel "fell off" as he was shooting.
Have you ever seen a photographer attempting to shoot a model one handed? Because I have. I have, because as I was posed with my face away from him, I noticed that it was taking him longer and longer to snap the shutter. But, it IS really hard to manually focus your camera when you are PLAYING WITH YOUR PENIS WHEN YOU THINK THE MODEL ISN'T LOOKING.
Look, I knew I was engaging in a type of prostitution when I took this gig. His photos are shit. He doesn't know how to light (hell, he didn't even HAVE a lighting set up) and the photos are not creative. In the business he is what we call a GWC or Guy With Camera. He likes pretty girls and bought himself a fancy camera so he has a reason to be in the company of pretty girls. In exchange, the pretty girls give him some model time in exchange for his money. Because let's be honest, if you are an amazing photographer, I am not going to charge you because we are going to make some art. But if your photos are shitty, I am there to take you money, and then I'm done. Model prostitution.
NOT ACTUAL PROSTITUTION.
And what gets me is that if you get off on touching yourself while you take photos of a naked girl, then why don't you hire an actual prostitute?
1) I happen to know girls in this city that charge less than $100/hr to actually perform sex acts, so why not pay a girl that will actually do things to you?
2) If you don't want the sex and really do just want to touch yourself with a pretty girl around IT WOULD BE EVEN CHEAPER TO HIRE A HOOKER.
3) Why on Earth would you think that is ok? If you plan on being naked and touching yourself, those are terms that need to be set BEFORE the photoshoot. He complained to me that off of his models look uncomfortable in photos. WELL NO SHIT.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Please, god, keep your pants on
Readers,
In 12 hours I will be meeting a "photographer" at a hotel in town to take photos. I will be nude in said photos. I am charging said man $100/hr to have this privilege. I also made sure to inform him he will be paying me cash, upfront, before a single stitch of my clothing comes off.
But the email exchange we have been having leads me to think I am heading into a disaster.
Here are some email highlights!
Sep 28 |
Oh, sorry :). But that sounds good. By the way, do you have any full nude samples? Your mm port is partial only. Thanks!
Sep 28 |
Really? Even with workmode off? But I can send you a trial to []....that is the site I publish on. Give me a minute and then check your spam folder if it doesn't show
For the record, there are photos of me nude on my MM port. I have no idea why he couldn't see that. He has his own MM portfolio, so I am thinking he is aware how the site works.
Sep 28 |
I just saw that...thanks. I'll take a look later since I am at work and can't access [] from here....they frown upon naked pictures of women at work :)
Sep 28 |
Yeah, they're pretty strict at my office and I can't get in to anything.
Oh, so you still tried to look at them at work anyway. That's a great idea. Nothing is better than trying to look at porn at work.
Sep 29 |
ok i was finally able to view some of the pics....very hot! can't wait to shoot with you, it will be fun, and maybe you can even take a few of me! :) (Don't worry...i do some modeling too, so I'm not too bad to look at)
What? No! NO NO NO! I am a MODEL. YOU take photos of ME. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. I am not interested in taking pictures of you.
Oct 17 (6 days ago) |
Can you do 9? Also, with regards to location...I need to figure that out still, but it will be at a nice hotel in Center City. I'm looking forward to it too...I'm finally meeting someone else that likes being nude as much as I do! :)
Uh... WTF? Are you planning on taking your pants off, because I will mace your ass. I do not "like" being nude. I don't dislike it, but the reason you are going to be in the room with me while I am naked is because you are HIRING ME to DO THAT. This is not a social gathering.
I have a feeling this will go totally wrong. And if it wasn't for the fact that I literally will not make my November rent without this $200 payment, I would cancel in a heartbeat as I am getting a BAD. VIBE.
The one where she cut off her hair
So as I mentioned in this post I recently cut off my hair with a knife. Don't worry though, it was all for a good cause. Er, no, cause isn't the right word, but I did benefit from it... so maybe the cause could be considered me. And I am a good cause. So, nevermind, I did do it for a good cause.
But in either case, I did cut off my hair with a knife, and I put it to use: I had a photographer there documenting the whole crazy process. It is now posted online, and I am making money from it. Not a ton. But at this writing I have made $44 whole dollars from my emotional distress! AMAZING.
Also, my hair? Red now.
I am hoping that I get some sympathy cash for said emotional distress. I mean, really... who cheats on me with a Jeresy girl?
But in either case, I did cut off my hair with a knife, and I put it to use: I had a photographer there documenting the whole crazy process. It is now posted online, and I am making money from it. Not a ton. But at this writing I have made $44 whole dollars from my emotional distress! AMAZING.
Also, my hair? Red now.
I am hoping that I get some sympathy cash for said emotional distress. I mean, really... who cheats on me with a Jeresy girl?
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
What do you call a girl who can't make it as a stripper?
Poor. Very. Very. Poor.
Yeah so as it turns out, stripping is WAY more emotionally taxing than I thought it would be. I admit that dancing is hard work, but I've been taking pole classes and I find it very enjoyable. And what better way to use your newfound pole dance skills than to take it to the club and shake your ass for some dollar bills? Really, the whole thing seemed to make sense.
And then I walked into the club.
Good lord. Those girls. It was like, not a single one could look you in the eye. Not for shame; I mean not one was sober enough to be able to actually look you in the eye. I went back into the dressing room and watched a girl try to put on lipstick for over 15 minutes because she kept missing her mouth she was so out of it. But as I walked onto the floor, I saw why. The ass grabbing and titty groping, yeah, that I expected. But i watched guys restrain the girls heads and shove their tongues in their mouths. I saw them take their dollars and reach around, burying their hands in the crotch of the g string, and not the string that was offered. How do you tactfully handle that?
And then the dancing. God. My issue is that I am a dancer. So I got up on that pole and I danced. I moved to the music. What i did not do was lay on the ground, spread my legs, and smack my labia over and over. Listen, I am a healthy twentysomething with, what some might say, is a overly healthy sex drive. And in my entire existence - from the moment I discovered masturbation till RIGHT NOW - I haven't touched my own vagina as much as those girls touched themselves in one song. Also, that thing every stripper can do where they can clap their ass cheeks together? I can't do that.
And even after all that, I was still like, ok, well, I can learn to love my labia, maybe I can work here one night a week. But I inquired and was pretty much told, yeah honey, you don't have what it takes.
Can I just say how humiliating it feels to be told "you are not good enough to be a stripper." I mean, let's be honest, I think in the back of every girl's mind there is the thought, lurking, that well, if it ever comes down to it, i can rub my tits in a guys face for money'. But no, Craftitute, you can't. YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR STRIPPING.
This on the heels of being turned down by a grocery store for a cashier position because I didn't "have the skills or qualifications" they were looking for. Uh what? You just make change and press buttons! I HAVE A DEGREE. I CAN DO BASIC MATH. It's really enough to make you want to jump off a bridge. Or go occupy something.
What totally sucks though is that I had come up with a plan. I was going to work two or three nights a week somewhere (like a strip club) make as much as I do at my stupid job now (only $300! Surely you can make $100 a night a strip club) and use my free days to volunteer at one of the museums in town and the zoo. Because I realized I miss working in museums. And I can't get a job because I have no network. So if I had the time to spend a year volunteering, then they would know me and I would know when jobs are open and I could at least get an interview. But without working for free, I think I'm screwed. And I can't afford to work for free unless I can work off hours somewhere else.
Or I will find my tent and go occupy wall street.
Yeah so as it turns out, stripping is WAY more emotionally taxing than I thought it would be. I admit that dancing is hard work, but I've been taking pole classes and I find it very enjoyable. And what better way to use your newfound pole dance skills than to take it to the club and shake your ass for some dollar bills? Really, the whole thing seemed to make sense.
And then I walked into the club.
Good lord. Those girls. It was like, not a single one could look you in the eye. Not for shame; I mean not one was sober enough to be able to actually look you in the eye. I went back into the dressing room and watched a girl try to put on lipstick for over 15 minutes because she kept missing her mouth she was so out of it. But as I walked onto the floor, I saw why. The ass grabbing and titty groping, yeah, that I expected. But i watched guys restrain the girls heads and shove their tongues in their mouths. I saw them take their dollars and reach around, burying their hands in the crotch of the g string, and not the string that was offered. How do you tactfully handle that?
And then the dancing. God. My issue is that I am a dancer. So I got up on that pole and I danced. I moved to the music. What i did not do was lay on the ground, spread my legs, and smack my labia over and over. Listen, I am a healthy twentysomething with, what some might say, is a overly healthy sex drive. And in my entire existence - from the moment I discovered masturbation till RIGHT NOW - I haven't touched my own vagina as much as those girls touched themselves in one song. Also, that thing every stripper can do where they can clap their ass cheeks together? I can't do that.
And even after all that, I was still like, ok, well, I can learn to love my labia, maybe I can work here one night a week. But I inquired and was pretty much told, yeah honey, you don't have what it takes.
Can I just say how humiliating it feels to be told "you are not good enough to be a stripper." I mean, let's be honest, I think in the back of every girl's mind there is the thought, lurking, that well, if it ever comes down to it, i can rub my tits in a guys face for money'. But no, Craftitute, you can't. YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR STRIPPING.
This on the heels of being turned down by a grocery store for a cashier position because I didn't "have the skills or qualifications" they were looking for. Uh what? You just make change and press buttons! I HAVE A DEGREE. I CAN DO BASIC MATH. It's really enough to make you want to jump off a bridge. Or go occupy something.
What totally sucks though is that I had come up with a plan. I was going to work two or three nights a week somewhere (like a strip club) make as much as I do at my stupid job now (only $300! Surely you can make $100 a night a strip club) and use my free days to volunteer at one of the museums in town and the zoo. Because I realized I miss working in museums. And I can't get a job because I have no network. So if I had the time to spend a year volunteering, then they would know me and I would know when jobs are open and I could at least get an interview. But without working for free, I think I'm screwed. And I can't afford to work for free unless I can work off hours somewhere else.
Or I will find my tent and go occupy wall street.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
greetings from la
oh right. this blog. just when I had a good idea my life became somewhat normal, no more fetish clubs or creepy modeling gigs.
dont worry though, that era of normal is over.
I am writing now from a starbucks in malibu. (fact: a week ago I had no idea malibu was a real place) why? you may ask. well I found out my loving boyfriend was in fact sleeping with a girl from Jersey (as if the cheating wasn't bad enough), I cut my hair off with a kitchen knife, and booked it west.
now I am waiting to meet a photographer with whom I have been talking online since I started modeling all those years ago. does malibu have nudity laws? lets hope not, because all I have with me is my makeup kit. I am excited.
however, dear readers, I know that is not why you are reading. and I wont disappoint. Friday I am dancing in an amateur night competition at a local strip club. because the prize is 500. and mamma needs that. I went in to fill out paperwork before I headed west and everyone told me what a great look I had. What I am saying here is that there is a real chance I will be a stripper before the month is out. and... I think I am excited by this fact.
in other news the owner of the foot fetish club emailed us this past week. suddenly we are no longer able to have parties in his space. also he "cannot talk about it." I smell a prostitution bust. i knew it had been close at hand for some time. I am just so happy I got skeeved out enough to stop working there before ut went down.
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