Art and Costumes

I was on my way to pole dance class the other day when an email popped up on my phone informing me that I had sold some of my art on Etsy. I was so stoked - I haven't given my Etsy page a thought in over a few months.

I honestly don't know how people can depend on internet sales to survive on. Well, any sales really considering I know there are days when no one walks into the shop I work at. But internet especially. When I started my little slice of botanical art there was no one doing it. I know this because I googled the everliving crap out of it to make sure. Now when you do an etsy search a zillion similar products pop up. And cheaper, too. The American way.

C'est la vie.



I was feeling like I was stuck in a rut go go wise so I made myself a fringe bra to wear for my last shift. Now, let's chat about bras for a moment. I am a 34D. I think. (Honestly, boobs are confusing). You know what sucks about being a 34D? Its like bra makers decided you're either a porn star and want sheer, see through, "hey everyone look at my aerolas aren't they fabulous" fabrics with cleavage up to your bangs:

vavaVOOM

look mom, no nipples!

Behold my opaque seams

Or you are 95 years old with boobs to your knees and you simply need a support hose rubberband to haul them back up: 

it's like a battle tank make of nude satin

And don't get me wrong, I LOVE the sexy come hither bras. They are mostly what I own. But they don't make very good foundational pieces for a costume that's "sexy not strippy". And yes, I can  cover them with fabric but that takes SO. MUCH. EFFORT. So whats a girl to do? The discount stores only offer bras in these two catergories so I went to Victoria's Secret and I paid full price.

Fifty Dollars. Fifty dollars for a freaking bra that I covered with black fringe. But it was blue. And I needed a blue, non-see-through, actually functions to hold my tits down bra.

isn't it glorious?

I think I need to play with the straps more. Glitter? Probably. But it worked for the evening.

Interesting side note: I wore this bra and a miniskirt and made more money than i have in months. Okay, okay, I also took an eyebrow pencil and outlined my boobs so they looked HUGE. Whatever works. I suppose it also might have had to do with the AMAZING DJ that was working that night. How can you not exude pure sex when you get to dance on a box in a room full of people to Closer by the Nine Inch Nails?

And then the cream of the sexy dancing crop:

I mean, how is that not worth some dollar bills?

But I think I am going to start showing more skin. Mama needs to pay off her credit card bills.

Craft shows and Boozariums

So the foot fetish studio has started having its parties out in the burbs. Sucks for me, because I certainly am not going to rent a car for a night to drive out into the middle of nowhere suburbia to be groped by old men. That is public transit transportation only. Clearly.

But I have been working hard on my crafty side and have actually started selling my wares at craft shows. I sort of fell into the first show I did a few weeks ago. It was at a go go and whiskey bar in town (seriously, whiskey sours and scantily clad go go dancers for everyone!) and I actually did really well. Not only did I walk away with about $150 more dollars than I started with, I was able to trade with the other craft vendors and get most of my holiday shopping done - WITHOUT HAVING TO SPEND MONEY. How can you not love that?

So when I had the opportunity to do another show last night - one with some bigger vendors and better advertised - I jumped at the chance. I spent all weekend making new inventory and building some pretty kick ass terrariums and I was ready to go.

(side note: I literally do nothing at Real Job© since December started except build terrariums, and teach people how to build terrariums, and break up fights between customers over terrariums, and something something something else terrariums. So I knew building kick ass terrariums was well worth my time)

Ok so yesterday I took a half day at work (unpaid time off, of course) to set up at the show. I am still very new to the whole world of craft shows, so while it took me about ten minutes to unfold a table cloth and put out my portfolio everyone around me was building shelving units and stacking tables and all sorts of crazy craft show support.

So I sat there.

Then the show officially opened.

And I sat there.

And sat there.

And then I got up and stretched my legs by checking out the other vendors.

And then I sat some more.

Because there were no customers. At all.

So with 15 minutes left (after 4.25 hours of SITTING THERE) a little old lady comes over to my stand. She starts looking through my portfolio, we make small talk, she tells me my works is beautiful, blah blah blah. And then the strangest thing happened.

Adorable Grandma: "You know dear, I hesitate to even ask you this [she leans in close to me across the table], but do you have any pressed marijuana?"

Craftitute: "Oh. Yeah. Actually I do."

Adorable Grandma: "Lovely. Where is it?"

Craftitute: "I have it hidden. Do you want it framed or not?"

She then proceeded to ask her daughters who had come over if their brother would like it as a gift.

Adorable Grandma: "You see dear, he gets this magazine about this particular plant...."

Craftitute: "Oh then yeah, I think he will really like it"

After that sale, I sold my boozarium to a seven year old boy. Why? Because out of all of the terrariums I had made, he wanted the one in a Jim Beam bottle. Go figure.

Now at this point, you might be wondering what a boozarium is. It is like a terrarium, but better.

Terrariums. Pretty cool.

Terrariums are pretty awesome. Especially when I got all the glass at good will and the moss off some rocks around the city. But a boozarium is better.

Boozarium. Cooler. Because of the booze.

BECAUSE IT IS A TERRARIUM THAT YOU ONLY GET TO BUILD AFTER YOU GET REALLY DRUNK.

I am not exactly sure why I have been recycling our liquor bottles, when I should clearly be filling them with dirt and selling them to hipsters. And seven year old boys, oddly.

So a few notes of housekeeping. I know some of you are more interested into the crafty things I do and I invite those of you to like my crafty side on facebook. I also got a sweet blog nod from Yinzerella over at Dinner is Served! and will be doing an award post about that soon.

Mouth Taped Shut: pressed flowers and viral 'Dragon Tattoo' treasure hunts

Apparently they are making an American film version of Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Ok, nothing too special about that, right? Except someone has made the best viral marketing campaign ever... there is an interactive Tumblr account, Twitter feed, and other creepy websites that lead internet views on a real life treasure hunt. So far there have been clues hidden in vintage movie stills (or what I assume are movie stills) that lead you to a website. That website has a photo of a location and GPS coordinates. Somewhere at that GPS local us the image in the photo and hidden there is a wrapped, framed, dried, pressed flower. Pretty much exactly like the ones I make and sell online.

Mine:

Theirs:

Now to be fair, mine are not reproductions (actual props?) from the movie. And they don't come with the director's signature, although *I* sign them (and I am pretty cool). But there are only 40 flowers in the world of the book... and I bet there are more than 40 people out there who want these. So yes, I will jump on this fad, even though I'm not really because i've been selling these dried pressed flowers for over 2 years. 

But hey, as I am writing this I got a sale and I haven't even changed all my key words to #mouthtapedshut or #GWTDT or Viral Flower Girl With the Dragon Tattoo Treasure Hunt, yet.