Tutorial: The 24 Hour GoGo Dress

So like I wrote about in my last post, I got overly eager to make a costume for my new gig. After scrapping my first idea, I moved on to a black and white A-line Mod dress. So at about 3:30am, I gathered my materials:

Simplicity Pattern 2967 and fabric

The dress pattern is Simplicity #2967. Don't be fooled, though it is a reprint of a 1960s pattern, this isn't vintage (though, it does appear to be out of print, again). This was one of the "retro" reprints that Simplicity put out  a few years ago (I have a few 50s styles and a 40s skirt suit, too) and I picked it up for a dollar when JoAnn's had a pattern sale a few years ago. I had made the dress once before, so the pieces were already cut out (saving me precious precious time) but really, this dress is like 3 pieces, anyway.

The fabric I used was a white sparkly spandex. Why spandex? Well, here is the thing about being a self taught seamstress: I don't know how to install a zipper. At all. I know there is a special foot for the sewing machine... and I think I can even identify it from all the other sewing machine feet, but damn if I know what the hell to do with it. So while the directions for this dress call for a zipper up the back I don't know how to do that.

Back of dress

Hence the spandex. See what I did there? I just completely sewed up the back of the dress. No zipper needed! Good thing it is stretchy enough to go over my boobs.

So at this point, I hemmed the neck and arm holes as well as the skirt line. There are supposed to be cap sleeves, but A) I was really tired and B) It gets really hot in the bar as you dance so I just decided to forego all that.

Awesome! I have an A-line dress is a pretty white sparkly fabric. But, it doesn't look very 60s. So I looked on google for some mod dress ideas. I was inspired by these two:

Clearly the answer was arrows. But unlike a lot of tutorials out there on the internet, I did not already have an arrow applique. So I had to make one. Using black jersey I made a tube and turned it inside out, so the seam was inside. I sewed it flat to the dress and then made triangle ends that I sewed on.

Mod Arrow Dress

Bam! Instant 60s street cred!

You'll notice that the arrows are not perfectly straight. There is a reason for that other than sleeplessness! You'll notice in this close up, that there are darts in order for my boobs to fit:

boob dart

Turns out boobs are curved. So sewing on a straight arrow over the boob curve means that when the dress is on it looks crooked. So instead, I had my roommate pin the arrows on while I was in the dress to figure out where they really should be placed.

So then I was done! I passed out and went to bed.

The next day I went to Real Job and came home. I decided to try on the dress with the rest of the costume before I went into the bar - the rest of the costume being fishnets and gogo boots. Thank goodness I did. Why? Because like an idiot, I chose white fabric and it was 100% see through. Awesome. Totally awesome. At this point I had NOTHING ELSE to wear, so I had to figure something out.

I noticed that where I had turned the fabric under to hem it was not see through. So I decided I needed to line the dress. But, I didn't really know how to do that. Instead I made myself a tube:

weird wannabe spanx

Yeah, it is exactly as big as it looks - smaller than the width of a coat hanger. I figure it had to be snug so as not to slide off. So snug, in fact, that I could barely wiggle into it. I basically made spanx out of the dress fabric. But whatever, it worked.

So I was able to pull it out and get a costume made in 24 hours. Want to know the best part? I got to work and SURPRISE! It was disco night. So my dress was completely out of place anyway.

I was going to post about craft time...

So I went down to Fabric Row the other week and dropped about $100 on materials for making go go costumes. Because I make good financial decisions.

I was pretty pleased with myself, though, and I decided I was going to make a fringe top and hotpants combo. I bought 16 yards of fringe. More than enough, right?

Look at all the fringe. And my purchased hot pants base!

You guys, that didn't even cover the bottom third of my ass, let alone a halter top, too.

So crap. It is 3:30 in the morning and I have work at 10am all day and then go dance after that. And I really, REALLY have nothing to wear. So I started on an entirely different costume. And you know what, it worked! Sleep is for the weak. I'll post a craft time tutorial about that later this week.

In the mean time, I was introduced to the wonders of Joyce Leslie stores. They are yet another tween disposable clothing chain, but at the moment, 60s inspired outfits seem to be in style. (Thank you Mad Men.) So I bought a lot of amazing clothes, including hot pants and a disco suit! Yes, a disco suit.

I would just like to take this moment to really point out that there is currently a chain of stores in America selling MASS PRODUCED DISCO SUITS. Who would wear that? I mean, other than someone who happens to work at a 60s and 70s themed go go bar. Why is this being sold?!

I did happen to notice some mixed messages from the store though:

I don't know how to interpret this...

But the finished products are pretty awesome!

The Evolution of Go Go

So the other day I auditioned for a go go dancing position. I was excited. Who wouldn't love to wear vintage 60s clothes and get paid to dance on a box!?

This is what I want to be.

Well, here is the thing. When did "go go dancing" become something other than that? Because apparently I've been living under a rock and 'round these parts Go Go dancing means stripping. I honestly did not know that. I thought, you know, stripping meant stripping and go go meant go go. And we all know how qualified I am to be a stripper...

So here I was, telling everyone I could that I had a go go audition wondering why people weren't getting more excited.

But the bar I was auditioning at really WAS a go go bar in the 60s sense. Girls dance in costume to 60s soul and funk. So I have to figure out how to explain that to everyone who has the wrong idea.

I got the job.

And then last night I got called in to work a shift. And it was amazing.

Today? Not so much. I'm getting old you guys. Everything on me hurts.

keywords

You guys, the phrase "wearable fake vagina" just directed a lot of traffic to this blog.

I'm disturbed, and I have not once written about a wearable fake vagina. Because I don't know what that is.

Confessions of a Booth Girl

You know something? I've been through quite a bit of nonsense working as a convention booth girl. There was the porn convention, where good christian girls would walk up, lay their hands on you, and speak in tongues in order to save me from the sins of fornication on film. Which, you know, was nice, except that  I don't have sex on film for money and I was working for a liquid clothing brand. And then there was the part where Ron Jeremy drunkenly stumbled up to me and signed my boob. No seriously.

Yeah, you're right. That IS the girliest "signature" ever. And, no, I didn't ask for it. He just sorta branded me with a sharpie as I walked past. To be fair, it was a porn convention. I wasn't expecting normal.

But I have worked other conventions that have turned out to be just as strange. At the Baltimore ComicCon I posed with many men for many pictures. Not surprising when you are dressed as a sexy female space cat. But when guys start telling you that they are sending your photo to their ex-wife and "can you just say something into the phone to prove you are a real girl" you have to wonder.

Now I am currently working at the Philadelphia Flower Show. Flowers. Garden stuff. A nice, wholesome section of the population. That are crazy. Every single one of them.

Do you know what pissed plant people off? When you hold up a plant and ask "how long does this last?" How long does it LAST? It is a LIVING THING. ALIVE. It lasts as long as you do! Oh wait, no, it won't, because you are going to take it home and kill it. That is... it's like asking the pet store owner how long the kitten you are buying is going to last. And how do you kindly say "it will last until you kill it."

But ok, that is just my pet peeve. At least this time I get to wear pants.

This Food Stamp Thing is STILL a Joke

So last week I spent about 8 hours in a car driving across various states in the union. I hate driving. And it wasn't my car. So I sat in the back of this car for all 8 hours. Do you know what I did? I read books. And in between reading books I called the damn food stamp office. Like... once every 20 minutes or so.

Do you think I got through?

I was on hold for a while. My wait time was 34 minutes, the recording helpfully informed me. Every 5 minutes the perky voice broke in: "your call is important to us, please stay on the line." Then, around minute 30 or so I get a new recorded message: "there are no agents available to take you call. Goodbye" and the line went dead.

Totally awesome.

Later on I called back. Busy. Again. Busy. Again. Busy. Etc. Until, finally! RING. RING. RING. It rang for a bit and an answering machine kicked on. Fine, I thought, I can just leave a message and they can call me. BUT GUESS WHAT! THE MAILBOX WAS FULL AND SO IT HUNG UP ON ME.

So you know what I did? I took a nap. Around 4:30 the driver woke me to say I should try to call again before they closed for the night. So I called. AND OH MY STARS I GOT THROUGH. A PERSON WAS THERE ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE. I started to explain my situation - calmly, I might add, I didn't accuse or get sassy. And then I hear "oh" AND THE BITCH HUNG UP ON ME.

AFTER ALL THAT.

I screamed. I screamed so loud that the driver almost swerved off the highway. I mean good lord, what's a girl got to do?

Of course when I called back, immediately, the perky recording informed me they were closed for the night.

Fast forward a few days. I started waking up early to call in before I got to work. I actually was on hold the entire commute from my house to my job one morning. I was still on hold when I opened the store and customers came in and had to hang up. You know, so I could actually WORK.

The next morning I called again. This time, finally, I spoke to the operator. After many minutes trying to explain why I was even calling, I was informed that my case worker would call me in one hour. I explained that no, that wouldn't work since I was on my way to work. She helpfully informed me that if I wanted my benefits I would "have to take it seriously" and "work with the system."

I don't know how I didn't reach through the phone and choke the woman.

This Food Stamp thing is a joke

Seriously, I feel bad enough that I can't feed myself. Just so we are all clear. This is not the American dream that I worked for in college. But here we are. I have been using that money to buy myself actual foods and not just high calorie low nutrition obesity causing crap which I think is the worst part about poverty in America: if you can't afford to eat right, you eat cheap, and just end up with even more problems.

But I digress.

The issue today is that it is January. And because it is January it is food stamp renewal time. I highly support this. In the way that we should give driving tests more than once in a lifetime, it is good for any sort of governing body to step in and just make sure things are functioning the way they ought to be. It reduces fraud and waste.

But this system?

I get a packet in the mail and am required to fill it all out. Submit pay stubs and gas bills, etc. Sure, that is all logical. Then there is a telephone interview. Great! I don't have to haul my public transit taking ass up to the scary building location, you can just call me and we can talk about it. What a great idea! Then I keep reading and they have assigned me a time for this interview: Thursday, January 12 at 2:15. You know, right in the middle of the work day.

And there, next to the scheduled time is a friendly reminder that "WORK IS NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR MISSING OR RESCHEDULING YOUR INTERVIEW TIME." You're right. It would be a lot better if I was just sitting at home, NOT working, feeding off the system and not even TRYING to be a member of society. Whatever.

So my scheduled date comes, and luckily my boss is understanding. I take an hour and a half off for lunch. from 2 until 3:30, waiting for this call. Guess what? IT NEVER COMES! Meanwhile the store is getting busy and I can't just sit there, so at 3:30 I give up and put my phone away.

After work, I have a message. From who, you ask? THE FOOD STAMP CASE WORKER! Leaving me a very smarmy message about how this interview is important and if I wanted my benefits to continue I would need to make myself available. Bitch, please. The call came around 4pm. Never mind that she called me 2 hours late. It was my fault. For having a job.

So in her message she left me instructions on what to do. I have called that number every day since. I have never once gotten through. I just get that "high call volume, please try again, goodbye" auto hang up. And guess what? I cant spend all day calling that number because I HAVE A JOB!