This Food Stamp Thing is STILL a Joke

So last week I spent about 8 hours in a car driving across various states in the union. I hate driving. And it wasn't my car. So I sat in the back of this car for all 8 hours. Do you know what I did? I read books. And in between reading books I called the damn food stamp office. Like... once every 20 minutes or so.

Do you think I got through?

I was on hold for a while. My wait time was 34 minutes, the recording helpfully informed me. Every 5 minutes the perky voice broke in: "your call is important to us, please stay on the line." Then, around minute 30 or so I get a new recorded message: "there are no agents available to take you call. Goodbye" and the line went dead.

Totally awesome.

Later on I called back. Busy. Again. Busy. Again. Busy. Etc. Until, finally! RING. RING. RING. It rang for a bit and an answering machine kicked on. Fine, I thought, I can just leave a message and they can call me. BUT GUESS WHAT! THE MAILBOX WAS FULL AND SO IT HUNG UP ON ME.

So you know what I did? I took a nap. Around 4:30 the driver woke me to say I should try to call again before they closed for the night. So I called. AND OH MY STARS I GOT THROUGH. A PERSON WAS THERE ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE. I started to explain my situation - calmly, I might add, I didn't accuse or get sassy. And then I hear "oh" AND THE BITCH HUNG UP ON ME.

AFTER ALL THAT.

I screamed. I screamed so loud that the driver almost swerved off the highway. I mean good lord, what's a girl got to do?

Of course when I called back, immediately, the perky recording informed me they were closed for the night.

Fast forward a few days. I started waking up early to call in before I got to work. I actually was on hold the entire commute from my house to my job one morning. I was still on hold when I opened the store and customers came in and had to hang up. You know, so I could actually WORK.

The next morning I called again. This time, finally, I spoke to the operator. After many minutes trying to explain why I was even calling, I was informed that my case worker would call me in one hour. I explained that no, that wouldn't work since I was on my way to work. She helpfully informed me that if I wanted my benefits I would "have to take it seriously" and "work with the system."

I don't know how I didn't reach through the phone and choke the woman.