American Education Services can go to hell

Let's chat about student loans, shall we. I have never missed a payment. Never ever ever. Why? Well, because unlike half of the people I know who have student loans, I actually was serious when I signed that little piece of paper promising that I intended to pay back my loan.

So now I'm out of school, struggling, and I'm supposed to be making these monthly payments. If you've been following along at home you'll notice that my $233 minimum monthly student loan payment is significantly more than my food stamp allowance. So it's been fun on those months when my cups have run dry deciding between food and making my student loan payment. Especially when I look around at my friends who have all simply not paid. Funny thing about not paying... nothing bad seems to happen to you. I've not seen their assets seized. I've not seen them smote down. Hell, no one even calls them asking for money. So why not just tell AES to screw off?

Well, I have good credit, for one. Selfish? Totally. But true. I have good credit and I don't want that fucked up. But also, there has been this little promise they have dangled in front of me. When you log into the AES website, you see all your different loans, how much you have left, what the APR is, etc. And there, down at the bottom are these little countdown clocks: "rate reduction in 36 consecutive payments" or "reimbursement in 24 payments."

The thing is, they never said what the actual "prize" was. It was just there, all enigmatic, counting down each month. And so long as  you never missed the payment, you won the prize! What a great way to get poor twentysomethings to actually make all those pesky payments: if you don't screw up, young grasshopper, you will be rewarded with less debt!

So yes, I accepted the challenge, I went without food and fun to make those payments. And now it is May, 24 months later and  I have won the first round - I have made all 24 consecutive payments. Winning! Let me collect my hard earned reward:

Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me!? That? That is your BIG REBATE. A rebate you dangled in front of me for   TWENTY FOUR MONTHS OF UNINTERRUPTED PAYMENT? You convinced me to not eat for THIRTEEN FUCKING DOLLARS AND SEVENTY FIVE CENTS?

Color me a little miffed. I mean, it's like rubbing salt into the wound of being poor. I still would have paid you. You didn't have to give me a "break" on $13.75 as though you are some benevolent master. Honestly, that makes me feel more shitty than the fetish club. I mean at least there I get $20 for getting manhandled. AES can't even put out a 20.

I mean do that math. $13.75/$2,750 = .005. Ok, so my 24 payments was worth .5% of my loan?

Fuck you, AES.

It turns out I'm terrified

So once the flower show gig ended, I decided to go back to fetish club. I didn't want to. In fact, the night before I woke up in a cold sweat dreaming about the groping and the men and just the entire disgusting process. But you know, gotta pay the bills.

I had also gone into overdrive making my flower art. Partly because it was spring and I finally had some flowers and partly because I needed something to calm myself down. I was quickly heading towards a nervous breakdown.

And then something happened. I posted on an Etsy forum and caught the eye of an administrator. I was going to be featured! Finally, I was going to sell some art.

I called out of working at the club. I was so excited to not get pawed at and instead ran home after work to make as much art as possible so that I could sell it. I think I didn't sleep that whole weekend. And then the feature went up. And I didn't have a single sale. Awesome. So the next week found me at the fetish club in my best "sexy spring fling" attire, feeling like a piece of meat. Look, I don't give a good lapdance, okay? So why can't you just be happy sucking on my toes. Good god. I just can't.

I can't decide if the reason I can't do it anymore is because I'm getting older and therefore it is less appealing or if it is because I've just been at it so long I've run out of patience. I got an email this week from the club director telling me that I was booked for a "private session". This essentially means that you come in during off hours and you have to entertain your customer for an hour long session.

I knew who the guy was. He is the one from my hometown. The one who has halitosis and wants to make out all the time. The one who is so old he can't get hard, yet keeps you there until he can make himself get off. No, I did not want to go spend an hour, unattended, with this man. Especially knowing full well that the club takes a good portion of the fee and the girl only gets $100 plus tip. Now yes, I know girls who get tipped upwards of $500, but I'm guessing my willingness (or rather, lack thereof) wouldn't net me anything close to that. Not worth it.

I have started a business. An although we joke about doing it topless so we can charge more, it isn't sex related. At all! Instead I've partnered with a coworker/friend to start a gardening business in the city. I'm certainly not raking it in, but I'm eating. And keeping busy. And - wait for it - USING MY DEGREE.