This Food Stamp Thing is STILL a Joke

So last week I spent about 8 hours in a car driving across various states in the union. I hate driving. And it wasn't my car. So I sat in the back of this car for all 8 hours. Do you know what I did? I read books. And in between reading books I called the damn food stamp office. Like... once every 20 minutes or so.

Do you think I got through?

I was on hold for a while. My wait time was 34 minutes, the recording helpfully informed me. Every 5 minutes the perky voice broke in: "your call is important to us, please stay on the line." Then, around minute 30 or so I get a new recorded message: "there are no agents available to take you call. Goodbye" and the line went dead.

Totally awesome.

Later on I called back. Busy. Again. Busy. Again. Busy. Etc. Until, finally! RING. RING. RING. It rang for a bit and an answering machine kicked on. Fine, I thought, I can just leave a message and they can call me. BUT GUESS WHAT! THE MAILBOX WAS FULL AND SO IT HUNG UP ON ME.

So you know what I did? I took a nap. Around 4:30 the driver woke me to say I should try to call again before they closed for the night. So I called. AND OH MY STARS I GOT THROUGH. A PERSON WAS THERE ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE. I started to explain my situation - calmly, I might add, I didn't accuse or get sassy. And then I hear "oh" AND THE BITCH HUNG UP ON ME.

AFTER ALL THAT.

I screamed. I screamed so loud that the driver almost swerved off the highway. I mean good lord, what's a girl got to do?

Of course when I called back, immediately, the perky recording informed me they were closed for the night.

Fast forward a few days. I started waking up early to call in before I got to work. I actually was on hold the entire commute from my house to my job one morning. I was still on hold when I opened the store and customers came in and had to hang up. You know, so I could actually WORK.

The next morning I called again. This time, finally, I spoke to the operator. After many minutes trying to explain why I was even calling, I was informed that my case worker would call me in one hour. I explained that no, that wouldn't work since I was on my way to work. She helpfully informed me that if I wanted my benefits I would "have to take it seriously" and "work with the system."

I don't know how I didn't reach through the phone and choke the woman.

This Food Stamp thing is a joke

Seriously, I feel bad enough that I can't feed myself. Just so we are all clear. This is not the American dream that I worked for in college. But here we are. I have been using that money to buy myself actual foods and not just high calorie low nutrition obesity causing crap which I think is the worst part about poverty in America: if you can't afford to eat right, you eat cheap, and just end up with even more problems.

But I digress.

The issue today is that it is January. And because it is January it is food stamp renewal time. I highly support this. In the way that we should give driving tests more than once in a lifetime, it is good for any sort of governing body to step in and just make sure things are functioning the way they ought to be. It reduces fraud and waste.

But this system?

I get a packet in the mail and am required to fill it all out. Submit pay stubs and gas bills, etc. Sure, that is all logical. Then there is a telephone interview. Great! I don't have to haul my public transit taking ass up to the scary building location, you can just call me and we can talk about it. What a great idea! Then I keep reading and they have assigned me a time for this interview: Thursday, January 12 at 2:15. You know, right in the middle of the work day.

And there, next to the scheduled time is a friendly reminder that "WORK IS NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR MISSING OR RESCHEDULING YOUR INTERVIEW TIME." You're right. It would be a lot better if I was just sitting at home, NOT working, feeding off the system and not even TRYING to be a member of society. Whatever.

So my scheduled date comes, and luckily my boss is understanding. I take an hour and a half off for lunch. from 2 until 3:30, waiting for this call. Guess what? IT NEVER COMES! Meanwhile the store is getting busy and I can't just sit there, so at 3:30 I give up and put my phone away.

After work, I have a message. From who, you ask? THE FOOD STAMP CASE WORKER! Leaving me a very smarmy message about how this interview is important and if I wanted my benefits to continue I would need to make myself available. Bitch, please. The call came around 4pm. Never mind that she called me 2 hours late. It was my fault. For having a job.

So in her message she left me instructions on what to do. I have called that number every day since. I have never once gotten through. I just get that "high call volume, please try again, goodbye" auto hang up. And guess what? I cant spend all day calling that number because I HAVE A JOB!